|2009 and the neverending moment.
||[May. 7th, 2011|03:01 pm]
|||||"Hands Down" - Dashboard Confessionals||]|
Deep within my heart, there is a door marked with the number "4". It is locked, and only the key I hold can open it. It contains my life's greatest treasure. Something I dare not part with. Something that will live within me for all time.
In January of 2009, I started classes at Valencia. They were a wonderful medley: Calculus, Microeconomics, AutoCAD, and last but not least, Anthropology. I was 20 years old, single after three years in my first relationship, living in Orlando, and still at that point had never held a job. I began to shy away from World of Warcraft, as Stefanie cited it was one of the grievances that ended our relationship. Instead, I would go kite flying and bike riding. I'd go to see movies and I would practice my music (I took up piano again to relieve the stress of Stefanie's departure). My heart healed quickly, and I learned to love being on my own for a while. It was a beautiful time, and I had little care in those days.
Facebook, too, became an increasingly frequent pastime. I reveled in the sudden contact and accessibility I had with the voices of my past. And while Facebook had closed one door, it opened up so many others. What happens next, we shall see if I have the heart to tell it.
I spoke before of a girl I knew in high school, named Coral. Back in those days, we were merely friends... we'd share the food we acquired at lunch, and I'd stand in the sun to provide her with shade as she sat. We were both in happy relationships then, so while we showed each other great friendship, we never displayed anything more than scant flirtatious interest.
However, in Late 2008, her boyfriend became disinterested and either left her, caused her to leave him, or both. I had always been attracted to Coral, who was beautiful, tall, always happy and optimistic, affectionate, and above all, loving. She and I were delighted to see each other on Facebook, and soon we were speaking regularly. It didn't take long before we were in love, and not wanting to be alone on Valentine's day, I asked her to go with me to Drama's upcoming coffee house event (Friday, February 13). The appointed day came, and I travelled south to my home city of Coral Springs. I picked her up from MSD and after that, we spent the day together. I remember I had a haircut that day and she came with me. She came with me to my house and met my mother. She had a sticker, a valentine's sticker with a frog on it... she stole my phone and put the sticker on the back and then returned my phone without me knowing. We went to the coffee house and watched the performances, and mingled with all the familiar faces that were glad to see me in town, and also pleasantly surprised that we were there together.
Before coffee house had drawn to a close, we sat with a mutual friend, Michelle, and the three of us decided to leave early. Coral said she had a sudden urge to bake cookies, and Michelle volunteered her house. We dropped by Walmart first and bought ingredients (I had forgotten the most important one, matter of fact, butter.) At Michelle's house, we three sat and discussed things. The cookies, for lack of butter, came out an absolute failure, but we had fun nonetheless. That night, Coral reached out and touched my nose and was overwhelmed when she found out that I beeped (this is a children's game that runs in my family, any red-blooded Sommerer beeps when you push his/her nose.) I also remember the feeling I had then... a potent blend of euphoria, peace, and destiny. I knew then that her fate and mine would be forever joined. I can't say I've ever had a feeling like it, before or since. It became late, and after midnight, Coral and I left to drop her off at her house. She lived a ways south in Fort Lauderdale, and en route, we decided to make a quick stop at the beach before returning her home. I remember sitting with her in the cold sand, watching the moon shine an eerie green light through the fog. The Ocean was still, silent, and misty. Around two in the morning (it was, point of fact then Valentine's day) we went to her house, where I dropped her off. We embraced, said good night, and I went home.
The next day, I went to visit my dad in the morning. When the visit was over, I rushed to Coral's house, for we had planned to go to the Renaissance festival. Unfortunately, we were too late, and only managed to watch the exodus of people leaving. We admired the more elaborate costumes, and simply talked. That moment was the first time I held her hand. We returned to her house for a short time, and then walked down the Riverfront in our Renn-fest garb. We spoke for hours. We had dinner at the Floridian before going back to her house, which was empty.
I remember it, clear as if I was there right now... that moment. I was sitting on the couch, she was laying down with her head on my lap, looking up at me. I told her about all the times in the previous 24 hours that I might have kissed her, but was unsure how she'd react. She was unsurprised, and the moment then seemed right. I briefly explained that I couldn't bend my back enough to kiss her with her head on my lap. So she lifted her head, and then we kissed.
The first of many, but I remember exactly how it felt. I was falling in love since the night before, but that night... that night I fell so deeply in love with her that I knew I'd never find a way out. When I think about it, I can still feel the sensation of vertigo. Even after all that has transpired, day by day I'm still falling in love with her more and more. In that moment, the world seemed to fall away, and it was as if we two souls were sailing in that apartment, upon an ocean of nothingness... no sky, no earth, no water, no light. Just us two, holding each other forever in the darkness.
Should I live a thousand lifetimes, my heart will always be living in that moment, and that moment within my heart.
A thousand times perfect. Perfect a thousand times.
I love you, Coral.